Beauty.

I had almost forgotten how beautiful it was, to watch things move; when they're actually standing still and you are the one actually in motion. Escaping from the ugliness of the world. Ugliness is a metaphor for mankind. Nothing explains the true virtue of a man like that four lettered word does. Have you ever watched the train tracks converge and diverge from your window seat ? It's pure psychedelia. I watched them for twenty minutes straight and they had me glued to my seat like extra time in a soccer world cup final. It had been a while since I'd felt something so strong, so pure. It was almost like realizing the true meaning of beauty. Yeah. Train tracks. Beauty. It's all in the head. Trust me, coming back to civilization is the stupidest thing one could ever do. But I guess it's really hard to survive without the buzzing of the cellular phones, the multicouloured skylines give stiff competition to the snow capped mountains, the stock market is a little more interesting than the sound of the jungle, your girlfriend's skin is more tender than the grass you were lying on.

And She Stabbed Romeo

I never meant to hurt you
My love for you never really faded
I never meant to put you through
This drag that you hated
Was I getting to your head ?
I couldn't do without you
My dress stained red
Glass shards that went through
The back of my neck
I hated that I was the last
person that you'd turn to
I couldn't live with the fact
That I had to compete with someone else
Everytime your eyes wandered off
Mesmerized by alien beauty
And that wave gushing down
Taking over your heart like a storm
Into each vein, while my esteem's torn
Heart's bursting into flames
I couldn't be just another girl
In your panic stricken life
I dreamed of all these things
For the both of us
But you never understood
You convinced yourself
That I was set on ripping you apart
But I never even meant to break your heart
It was all just in your head
If you'd just looked into my eyes
Before turning around and walking away
I craved for your touch
You told me I was your strength
But you were my life source
Why could you never see ?
I was waiting right here
For you, all along
Why did we play these games ?
The bitch vs the dick
Only the strongest will survive
And then you got sick of it all
Killed me, and now you think I'm gone
But I'm really only closer to you now
I still love you but
The agony is excruciating
I can place my fingers on your lips
Like I used to back in the day
But I feel nothing now
I press my lips against yours
But I miss your taste on my tongue
So I'm losing it and I scream
But You can't even hear me
Do I atleast haunt you in your sleep ?
Tell me you think of me
Am I your favourtie nightmare ?
Cuz this emptiness is killing me
I can't take it anymore
We were never meant to be seperated
So I'm doing what's meant to be done
I'm gonna stab you tonight
Cuz there's an afterlife
And we're meant to be together
For all of eternity
Death can't do us part
Nothing can, nothing ever will
So hold your breath
I'm going for the kill.

Juliet Must Die

I'm watching you dance
Does my stare set you in flames ?
I can see it doesnt
And that's kinda unfair
Cuz I've been burning inside
Trying to win these meaningless games
But now I've realized that
Its a never ending thing
You'll never give a shit
And I'll never get over you
We'll turn into ashes
We're the lost cause
My eyes are a bloody red
So are my wrists
The alcohol
Is resurrecting the beast
It hurts to know
That you dont care anymore
Living in your memory
Is the hardest thing to do
I cant take it anymore
I'm going for the kill
Somebody has to die
Someone's blood has to spill

Oh Juliet, You must die
Cuz there's nothing left to live for anymore
Oh tell me, was it all a lie ?
I'm going down on all fours

How do you make it through these lonely nights ?
How is it fair that you're able to see the bright lights ?
When I have nothing to look forward to
Oh Juliet, You must die

I've loved you even more
Ever since you broke my heart
Ever since December
I've become more of a retard
You've been fucking with my head
But its not your fault
Maybe it is
So do I hang myself from the asphalt ?
Do I drink a little more ?
You've already unleashed the beast within
I've been reduced to what I hate
This probably is my end
There's not much I have left
It was always a bloody affair
I laugh and I cry
And wish you would die
Not like I could live with the guilt
But it'd be something somehow
I've already given up on life
And all this will soon be over
I know I call you a bitch
But I still want you to kiss
These blood thirsty lips ..

Oh Juliet, Put an end to your life
I'm a dead man already
Let's put an end to you and me
Cuz I can't live in your memory

Juliet, You must die.
You..Must..Die.

A Page From The Diary That Should Have Been Left To Burn - 2

Ahh. I fucked up, but had fun while doing it. Although, I will admit that my insides were on fire and I haven't ever been so nervous before. When we were watching the other bands perform, it was like "Alright, they're good but we're still better than this!" or "Okay! WTF was that ? They sound like a mouse being humped by an elephant!". Ofcourse, Arcane Deception blew my brains out ! I think they were the best band today, at the auditions.
Anyway, so the night before the auditions, Ishan and me decided to crash at Azhar's place.
And that was fun ! For one, it took us 2 hours to get to his place cuz the homo forgot the way back to his OWN house ! And he wasnt even drunk for a change ! Anyway we got there and loafed around, watched a lota videos, A headbanger's journey, and a lota other metal shit and then had pizza, made fun of each other, and cracked some of the worst jokes in the history of jokes cracked.
Bottom line is, Ishan still cant hit a pinch harmonic, Azhar's still the same old Brood-Fucking-Mother and I'm still well, Me. Insulting enough ? :P Heh.
We were watching this video and I get an sms from Diva, saying he wont be coming for the auditions. And at that time, we were so fucking lost we didnt care. Haha. No offense dude. Just cursed him a little and continued watching the video and eating pizza. Thank god there was no beer stashed under Azhar's bed !
Then I slept at about 3, and these two were awake, I dont know til when. Azhar says Ishan was having sex with the mouse, playing DotA, but who knows. They might just have been doing shit we dont want to talk about here !
7 AM, the day of the auditions.
Azhar disappeared somewhere and after waking Ishan up (for which, I think I should be awarded with a nobel prize for being able to wake him up before 2 in the afternoon ! ). I'm sure his folks'd throw a terrace party with strippers if they got to know about it ! Anyway, now he was up and we're looking at each other, completely lost. And then the dude just goes back to sleep ! So much for the strippers ! Heh.
So we got to the concert hall and now we're waiting for Diva and Achint (who's temporarily playing bass for us) and at some 12 o clock, we're finally registered. We're all feeling it and shit, and pumped up and suddenly the dude comes and tells us we're to hit the stage directly. I was like "Ok, Now?".
So we did, and on that stage, I felt like I was crumbling to pieces. Not feeling comfortable with the kit at all, didnt have the courage to hit the snare ! Anyway, we started somehow. With the instrumental and it was starting to feel metal mental and then there. BOOM! I stopped. Playing. Right in the middle of the fucking solo. And Azhar's looking at me and he's like "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO ?"
And I'm just looking at him blank faced. Just when we were about to get off the stage, Diva asked if we could do another song. And they said yes. So we did "Break Free" and it was pretty good. But I dont think we made it anyway.
I was all effed up after the gig, came back to college, attended lectures and shit.
And these guys came looking for me. I feel loved ! (Um. No. I'm not gay. None of us are. Oh. Wait. Azhar. You gay ?) XD
It was awesome you know, we know we fucked up and we're making songs about the randomest of things , Azhar's singing about anything and everything around him and Ishan's singing along for a change (he usually just keeps making out with his fret board while playing).
Its just so elevating, Music actually makes you float above all the shit that you're dealing with.
When we're jamming, its like nothing makes sense at all. After a day full of feeling stupid and shit, being fucked left right and center, entering the jam room at 5 PM and just letting yourself out is the best thing that one could ever do. Coming up with new stuff makes you feel so good about yourself and when you're playing a whole song, your song, its the best feeling in the world. To hear Ishan palm mute and play those hard ass riffs and Azhar pulling off crazy motherfucking solos and Diva's occasional vocals, its just perfect. All you want to do is keep playing and playing and playing till your hands fall off and your spine cracks into two.
COLD's like my family now. These guys are one of the reasons I wake up everyday.
Its just something to look forward to each day.
The best part of my day is in that dingy ass jam room on the 2nd floor.
So we fucked up, and had fun while we were at it ( Fucking 'Up' ) !
XD

Choke Your Suffering

Darling, I'll choke your suffering
As long as you need me more than you need your pills
Or pop another to say you love me ?
Because darling, I delude myself enough to be with you

And as long as you need me more than you need your pills
I'll be your last cigarette of the night
Because darling, I delude myself enough to think you love me still
So go on, light up, love.

Go get your hookah
And play our reel in your head as you take a puff
Breathe out your insecurities, you'll be clasped in my arms again tonight
So lets play this game, its called bluff.

Lets not worry about anything at all
For this one night, lets give the world a slip
Its crazy what this shit can do to you, isnt it ?
So tell me love, how was the trip ?

And as long as you need me more than you need your pills
I'll be your last cigarette of the night
Because darling, I delude myself enough to think you love me still
So go on, light up, love.

I am your favourite hit, you said
Sweet nirvana, swirling thourgh your head
The chill running down your spine
Tell me, what would it take for you to be mine ?

I'm gona burn up the stash now,
The night's about to end too
Quietly now, lets not make a sound
I know I never really brought out the best in you

Choke.
Burn.
Ash.

Conspiracy Theory

I love it when you drag me down
Into shit that doesn't even concern me
I love taking bullets from both sides
I love being part of this conspiracy theory
That you so conveniently formulate with the help of your lies

I know these games, and all these plots
I've played them before, I thought you knew that
I know you too well, I wont get caught in the same spot
I love how we keep walking in full circles and back

I love how I'm defending you
I love the position I am in, I'm the earth between the sun and the moon
I love it when you judge me
I love the sound of your accusations causing mayhem around the room

And please don't cry now, tears wont cover up the act
The tantrums and the drama wont change the fact
That there's more to you than I could ever see
And its painful, now that I'm caught up in this conspiracy

But I've learned my lesson
I know we'll all come around eventually
You'll go against me
And have me backing up against the wall
So its all out on the table now
I get stabbed from every side
I've had enough, I've been on this ride
Long enough now to know what its like
To be your best friend
Oh those words are jinxed

How can we be ? How can we go on ?
I know I'm supposed to hold on
But you know I was never this strong.

You know I'd put my life on the line for you
And I'd take a life just so you'd get a kick out of it
But this is driving me crazy now
And I'm sure you don't even know how
Lets not pretend,
that we're best friends
Anymore.

Although, we both love to act our parts
And we do it with unmatched finesse
This is worse than a couple of broken hearts
This is me screaming out aloud to anybody who'd listen
I don't want to hear another word that you have to say
Just know that its not like how it was yesterday.

Now tell me I'm wrong
That I was wrong all this while
Wrong about you
And please don't smile
Our world's spinning out of control
All our plans are going haywire
You would have killed me anyway
Its just coincidence that I
Stood in your line of fire.

How can we be ? How can we go on ?
I know I'm supposed to hold on
But you know I was never this strong.
You know why I wrote this song
Its just to tell you how bitter I am
So long, so long, so long.