To tell you the truth, I've never been there. On the dark side. Is it scary ?
Some say, it reduces you to half the human you were. It is just mere trickery. A creation of the mind. Everything, from the whacked out stunt show to the emotional outbursts, its all up there. It is what you want to believe. Or lead yourself to believe. That is what I believe. And I stay sober all the time. Actually, I should say alcohol free. Not sober.
No, This is not a "Don't Do Drugs" or "Stay Away From Alcohol" advertisement. Although, it'd be really cool if you could. This is more to do with the me, you fail to see. The one your senses and your brain combined, fail to comprehend. The Illusion that I procure so effortlessly and mercilessly, that you are forced to believe that it is real. I have mastered the art of deception. Subterfuge at its pinnacle. It does not get any more fake than this. Than me.
I have been granted a power. Although, I do not know how to control it or how it works, it works. I am always able to give a person the impression of me that I want him or her to have. Like I have the power to control what that person thinks of me. The innocence that radiates off my face, the mask of madness that I sometimes wear, the aura of brilliance, the cunning but captivating expression, the non swearing gentleman at home and in the company of elders, the young teen influenced by Eminem with a mind full of adjectives, all that, is me. No one person sees two of them. You get lucky when you do.
Gemini is my zodiac sign. Dual personalities. I have more than just a 'dual'. But there's nothing special about it. The speciality lies in the ability to switch. Sometimes, I lose count of them myself. Sometimes, I amaze myself. It is really amazing how I've been living behind a mask for so long, sometimes more than one, all to protect and hide my true identity, that now I've forgotten who I really am. And even when that person stares right back at me, I fail to recognize him. I look away. This is what I tell everybody.
Truth is, I do not want to believe that that person looking right through me, is me. I am scared to put myself out there. I know I have not lost any of it. I have not lost myself. Although I pretend that parts of me have been replaced by new ones that I do not recognize. Its all false. I just want somebody to identify me.
And this is not just my story. I am not the only Illusionist. All of you are.
